As in, out from under my feet.
Yesterday I made a joking remark to J about children, only to end up with, after a few moments, the most unequivocal "We are not having children!" that I have ever had.
I cried. I bawled my eyes out. This is the second most painful thing that has ever happened in my life.
The worst bit, is that I know he's right.
I want to have more children. I'd have a houseful.
He wants to be able to do the things he wants to do, without anything tying him down and getting in the way, we can't afford the childcare, and certainly can't afford for me not to work, and we have two sons between us.
So if at any point my emotions would like to get in touch with reality, that would be great. If not, well, buy shares in Kleenex people, because I'll be going through a lot of it.......