Saturday, August 4, 2012

Slimpod is working

MAY 24th Slimpod stats. (all numbers are inches)

waist 31
stomach 40
each thigh 25
hips 43

4th August

waist 30
each thigh  24
hips 41

Now even I, tired as I am, can see that that is a fairly substantial difference in what will be 6 weeks tomorrow.

I'm noticing differences in my and my attitude to food as well - I eat when I want to, I'm rarely hungry, I can eat what I like (different to me thinking "Oh, I ought to eat this or that, instead of this.") I am more body confident, and I'm generally happier.  I walked from home to the shop which is around a mile and a half in 20 minutes on Thursday, and did it twice yesterday (complicated and dull story)  Worryingly, I then thought, how fast could I do it if I ran? but I slapped that question right down lol!  Knees come first!

I thought I had to fill in a sheet every week, but so far I've only had one, so I've kept an evernote notebook.

In other news, J and I have a secret.  No, I'm not pregnant, it's not that kind of secret, but we have made ourselves happy with something!  I can't say anything until next Sunday when we pick up T-Boy for 3 weeks, but I'm a Very Happy Bunny, and so is he.

The Adorable Child is now fully confident on his roller blades that I bought him 2 weeks ago, and whilst he admits that they make his leg muscles hurt if he does it for too long, he also believes that this will strengthen his leg muscles and he will be stronger for it.  True.

And yesterday was 3 years since we Celebrated Rich's life.  Today is a painful day, as it is the day of one of the greatest betrayals of my life.  Ever.  Today I woke up, expecting to go and get Rich's ashes with I-t-B, his brother, and when I phoned to find out what time we were going, I found that he had already been and got them and was already back at his with them.  I had to tell the AC that we wouldn't be going, that there would be no private goodbye, that I-t-B had lied to us.  Later in the month, he scattered them - somewhere. He sent me a picture of the place he says he put them, but do I believe him?  I want to, I want to restore my faith in him, but can I?  Not really.  He lied about so many things in the end, about helping sort out Rich's estate (I did it all in the end) about what financial help he would give us (turned out to be nothing - all words, but hurrah for the RAF who did everything that they could!) about what the AC and I could have of his belongings, tried to stop me walking behind the coffin of my own fiancé, (Warrant Officer wasn't having it and neither were the boys, apparently they would have waited for AC and I to be there!) did stop me putting flowers on his coffin, (but not as successfully as he thought!) denied Rich's faith, denied our love for him, denied the AC's right to grieve for him, and then stole the last moments we could have had with him away.  I-t-B then went on holiday, and left Rich in an empty flat.

It's the first time I've written it like that, and there are other things to say, but I want to stay factual, and those are all facts.  I've tried to forgive so many times, and apparently I'm not there yet.  I won't bad-mouth him to anyone else, because I'm sure he made the decisions he made because he was hurting too, and because he was angry with Rich.  I've even defended him to the AC, which was very hard.  I just wish things had been different.

I'd better go and make a cup of tea.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Hiatus again?

I haven't written in here for a while again.

It's not that I have nothing to say - nor that I don't think too many people read this - nor that I am not feeling anything at the moment - it's more that I am feeling so much that I don't know how to word it in a way that other people will understand.

It is the holidays.  The AC and I have done Not A Lot.  In fact, if I look at the holidays I've had since I went back to teaching, they have pretty much all been occupied.

2005 - before I started teaching - the summer of He-Ex terrible behaviour, the summer of Rich and I's friendship, the summer of the She-Ex taking BG away, the summer of such intense emotions from and for everyone.  I started work in the November, having moved into this town to a horrible little rented place.
2006 - the summer of moving here and the nastiest of the emails from Abroad.
2007 - the summer of the kitchen here
2008 - the summer of Rich being away in Afghanistan, and then home :-)
2009 - the summer of his death
2010 - the summer of cleaning J's house for him to move.
2011 - the summer of cleaning upstairs here - and yes, it took a summer.  I had done nothing since Rich died.  That summer I cleaned upstairs, had our room carpeted, moved bedrooms around and so on.  We moved the rooms around downstairs, recarpeted, and had the first 3 week session with T-Boy.
2012 - this summer.

This summer I have nothing particular to do.  I have the garden to clear, but that needs a strimmer (or napalm) and will get done when the weather is clearer.  I have 3 weeks with T-Boy coming up, but I believe that will be fine and will go well.  I have faith.  I have support.

Hopefully though, this summer will be the summer of the camper van.  We have received one of our payments from Rich's pensions, and the other lump sum is on it's way.  My monthly payment will continue ad infinitum.  I've also secured a payment from the PPI scandal that has been going on, and that was over £3500, so it is all adding up towards our camper.  We even think we've found one.  She'd be perfect for what we want.

Who knows what this summer will bring.  I know it will bring sewing though!

There is always sewing!