Before 5:30am today I had
*unloaded the dishwasher
*reloaded the dishwasher
*loaded the tumbledrier
*loaded the washing machine
*made a cup of tea
*planned the numeracy for today
*planned the literacy for today and tomorrow.
*tidied around the front room (as much as one can when one is decorating)
That's the only way I can keep on top of things lol!
Last night I was out with J and the AC at flying, and the AC is really getting good with the NightVapour now. J is training him up to be able to fly the Discovery in the summer in the open air, and is really pleased with his progress. I can't fly. I just can't. It is just not something I can spatially do very well. I mean, I can hover the helicopter and make it go where I want and things like that, but then that's it. AC and J are doing all kinds of tricks, and I'm not. That's cool lol! I can't be good at everything (even if I am Mary F-ing Poppins - yes it still makes me laugh!)
Then the AC was on my laptop whilst he was waiting for batteries to charge and his turn to fly - he doesn't tend to fly with the older men at the moment, because he is respectful of it being their space, and because he knows that the NV needs a lot of room. He's a good boy. So he was on my laptop and he was working on Powerpoint. They have been doing Powerpoint at school and really enjoying it, and he wanted to make something. I was doing written work, so I let him get along with it.
His presentation was 3 slides long.
The first had a picture of the three of us, and the words "To the best mummy and stepdad ever."
The second had a picture of he and I together, and the words
"My mum is the best because ........
She helped me get through when Richard died.
She snuggles with me
She is really proud of me when I get 10/10 in my spelings. (that last was apparently deliberate." Yeah, my boy rocks irony lol!)
The third had a picture of J and he on it, and the words
"The reason why J is the best stepdad ever
He is really fun
He flick’s me in the head some time’s
He is really funny
He teaches me how to fly. "
I could have cried. J was really touched. He'd chosen to do this just to show how he felt. This is a household that is comfortable with it's feelings, that shows how it feels, that is proud of love and what it brings. Rich's death realigned our perspective - after all, you have to love that much to lose that much, and to see the boychild prepared to stick it all on the line again is warming me in a way I cannot explain.
Even just looking at it again now makes me well up in a way that only the mother of a bereaved child can understand. It is such a risk that I took with his heart as well as mine, and it's paying off.
Rich always told me two things. Itwillallbefine, and that he would never leave us alone. He kept those promises, like he kept all his promises to me.