Saturday, March 18, 2017

Today is another day

After yesterday (or was it Thursday's?) depressing post, I am feeling much better.

I cannot change things from the outside, only from the inside.  Why should I give up the job I love without fighting for it a bit?  In fact, if I love it so much, if I feel like I make a difference to those children, then shouldn't I fight for it a lot?  If I walk out, and they get someone who doesn't have the experience, who doesn't understand the special needs, who likes SATs (there are people out there like that!) then where does that leave the children?

Up a creek without a paddle, that's where.

So I'm sitting here, at the in-laws, with a list of jobs to do, starting with this one and then moving on to marking and planning and stuff, ready to rock another week with my lovelies. 

I'm tired though.  So very, very, sodding tired.  My rash has turned out to me something unknown, but I've been given a general cream for it with antibiotic, antifungal and steroid cream in it, to cover all bases.  If that doesn't deal with it, then I am to go back.  It could be stress related, it could not.  All we know about it is that it is there and it itches like an itchy thing!  I don't think that's what's making me tired, I suspect it is my somewhat broken fight or flight mechanism.

It's always been broken.  When faced with fight or flight, I want to sleep.  This is not productive, and no matter how much I try and explain to my body that actually, shutting down and waking up when it's all over is a rubbish plan, that's the one my physical body wants to go for, every time.  This week I've slept through the alarm 4 times.

As such, I am revamping my morning and evening routine to involve more sleep and then a more active early morning to see if I can bully myself into being awake and awesome.  And less fat.  I'm fairly sure this is adding to the sleepiness as well. 

Anyway, time to start the list proper.